My Heart In His Hands

You know when you happen to read something or see something or hear some one say something that just happens to be what you needed to read, see, or hear? You know, one of those God things? Well, I've had a biography sitting on my shelf for about a month now and just this evening I decided, randomly, to read a chapter or two from it. Any guesses what's coming next? -The chapter that I read just happened to be about the exact issues I was thinking on this morning. The words the author wrote spoke to me so much. I want to share with you Ann Judson's beautiful passage. (She was only 16 when she wrote this in her journal.)

"My chief happiness now consisted in contemplating the moral perfections of the glorious God. I longed to have all intelligent creatures love him; and felt, that even fallen spirits could never be released from their obligations to love a Being possessed of such glorious perfections. I felt happy in the consideration, that so benevolent a Being governed the world, and ordered every passing event. I lost all disposition to murmur at any providence, assured that such a Being could not err in any dispensation. Sin, in myself and others, appeared as that abominable thing, which a holy God hates, - and I earnestly strove to avoid sinning, not merely because I was afraid of hell, but because I feared to displease God, and grieve his Holy Spirit. I attended my studies in school, with far different feelings and motives from what I had ever done before. I felt me obligation to improve all I had to the glory of God and since he in his providence had favoured me with advantages for improving my mind, I felt that I should be like the slothful servant, if I neglected them. I, therefore, diligently employed all hours in school, in acquiring useful knowledge, and spent my evenings and part of the night in spiritual enjoyments.

While thus recounting the mercies of God to my soul, I am particularly affected by two considerations: the richness of that grace, which called and stopped me in my dangerous course, and the ungrateful returns I make for so distinguished a blessing. I am prone to forget the voice which called m out of darkness into light, and the hand which drew me from the horrible pit and miry clay. When I first discerned my deliverer, my grateful heart offered him the services of a whole life, and resolved to acknowledge no other master. But such is the force of my native depravity, that I find myself prone to forsake Him, grieve away His influence from my heart, and walk in the dark and dreary path of the backslider. I despair of making great attainments in the divine life, and look forward to death only, to free me from my sins and corruptions. till that blessed period, that hour of my emancipation, I am resolved, through the grace and strength of my Redeemer, to maintain a constant warfare with my inbred sins, and endeavour to perform the duties incumbent on me, in whatever situation I may be placed.

I feel myself unable to keep any resolutions that I may make; but humbly relying on the grace of God for assistance, I will try. I do desire to live wholly devoted to God, and to have every sin in my heart entirely slain.

At the commencement of the last week, I had high hopes of being more engaged in religion, than ever before. But I have reason to fear, that I relied too much on my own strength. I still find cause to be humbled in the dust, for my inconstancy and rebellion. I have done little for the cause of God - too often indulged in trifling conversation. In this way I grieve the Holy Spirit, and bring darkness upon my mind."

Those were pieces of the second chapter in "My Heart in His Hands". Her words are so powerful and so influential to me. I think this is going to be a very good book. I hope those passage stirred your heart as they did mine.

Until next time,
Juliana.